To Define Myself

I was walking in the park last week with Z… it was pretty early in the morning, the fog was still thick on the lake. I like to walk in the park sometimes, when my face needs a work out :-) I like to watch people… I especially like to find the people who are surprised to be greeted with a smile… the ones that seem caught up in their own thoughts, heavily burdened perhaps… I’ve been one of those people… I like to stop and chat with the people who just want to peek at the baby… because I feel like in that place, if only for a few seconds, I can be a blessing to someone… a cheerful moment.

Both my girls had the same grade one teacher… her name is Mrs K and she is the most amazing teacher I have ever met. I had inspirational teachers while I was growing up, but for some reason, Mrs K tops them all. She was made to be a teacher and she is passionate about it… passionate about her kids, their families, about learning and teaching… and she inspires greatness in people. Don’t get me wrong… I know people who dislike her, have asked for their kids to not be put in her class… but I think they are few and far between. I met Mrs K when L entered grade one (6 years ago). She sent home a notice asking for parent volunteers, and I said I would… of course, I didn’t realize that when Mrs K gives you a day of the week to be in the classroom, she expects you every week on that day… at first that seemed like too much, but after awhile I started looking forward to that day of the week… when K entered Gr 1, I actually booked vacation time every week to volunteer in the classroom. She has taught me so much about my own children, and has taught me to be a better parent. She engages in life with such exuberance, that those around her are drawn closer to her. She sees each and every child and person who is put before her as the treasure that they truly are, and she makes it her mission to draw out the best from each one of them. We went to visit Mrs K this afternoon… and she was so excited to see Z again (she last saw him in June when he was about 4 weeks old)… she was talking so excitedly about when he comes to grade one… it was funny to hear that considering he’s only a few months old… but that’s one of the keys to understanding Mrs K… she is so excited about what is around the corner… every day is a new door, a new opportunity, and a new chance to create something different… something better.

I feel like God was taking both sides of my head and talking directly into my face… this week He seems be trying to get my attention…

I used to watch daytime TV… not very often, but sometimes when I was home sick, I would sit and watch the crazy people on the court shows. I used to think it was funny to sit there and see how messed up some people’s lives are (ok… it was sick and twisted… ) Now when I watch them, I try to find people who have lives more messed up than my own, because it makes me feel lucky for what I have. The sad thing is, the things that these people talk about often sound very much like some of the crazy things that have gone on in my own life… and I don’t think that makes me a crazy person!!

But it just goes to show, sometimes we are guilty of defining people by the stuff in their life. I understand how some people can be overly cautious about telling people things about their past. It comes from a fear of being defined by it… put in a box where we don’t belong. Though others may be quick to judge some of my sincerely horrendous drama queen moments and define me by them, ultimately I make a decision whether I will accept that definition of myself or not. True definition of who we are is only found in God’s eyes… because He made us and is the only one who understands us completely.

Life is often what happens while you are too busy to notice… but to live on purpose, fully conscious, although painful, is the only way to live...
Someone reminded me that strength is not overcoming on one’s own... but in recognizing that in weakness, to overcome is God's victory... life happens... to succumb to failure is giving up... it is unbelief... I need to stop stumbling up the steps, because I've been given wings... I’ve just got to figure out how to believe that I can fly :-)