Plucked out of context I knew you.  Not the people around you.
Met online, in person, loved, was loved, you were real, and I loved you.
But the day came when you were called home,
and I did not know.
By group email announcement I found out that the man I thought I would one day marry,
Had passed on to the other side.
I'm not family to yours... just you.
The grief wells up inside me and I've no place to put it.
No friends to talk to who knew you too.
No family who thought to call me.
Now what...

You are like a laser beam burnt like a hole through my heart.
Straight through, no carnage.
But my heart is full of sadness.
Hebrew lion, I miss you deeply.
With a finger hole, just there, through my heart where you touched it.
Rest in love Yahziel.

Twisting Reality

You are the embodiment of the pain I did not want you to feel.
Driven by the losses that have permeated your childhood.
The losses I tried to protect you from, but couldn't.
Like a rotating wheel is the rerunning of injuries that passes as therapy
Turning and twisting situations, playing a different role each time,
In replaying it your own way, you try to make it better.
Try to prove that it wasn't your fault.
You try to figure out who to blame,
Try to do it better.
Hind sight is twenty twenty, they say
But it is reality shifted on its axis.
It's not the solace you seek, it is repetition.

The Minions

I have been silent.
The pressure of welling words whispers from within and I can no longer stop the torents from tumbling forth.
I must write.
My research, as I have called it, has taken me down dark roads,
to painful places I wish only to wash with words,
What loss.  I am still here.  Eternity by grace I'm sure. 
Fragments of a lives I thought I'd live whirl mischieviously in my head.
Hundreds of plot lines, pushing forward for attention.
Waiting for their endings.
If I do not give them what they want,
They will take me under.
Drown me.
Ironically, they only want to be heard.

A still strong voice amongst the masses is not heard by many... even when it is right.

Eight months ago I became a foster parent. After half heartedly pursuing it on my own, two children were put in my path who needed a place to go, and I found the other half of my heart and brought them home. Many things got put on hold as I dealt with kids in crisis... not just the foster children, but also my own. I'm challenged every day by surprises... the clarity of a five year old and the wisdom with which he can speak about his circumstances. It reminds me to live every day for what it is, and love and appreciate each person around you... because things can change quickly. Always forbid regrets.

You can only reach what you believe;
Because you can not reach beyond your own faith.

At Thy Feet....

There is a place beyond this world
Where the chains of our past don't weigh us down
Where we have every confidence and knowledge and wisdom
Where the imperfect passes away
But that world is for later
The imperfect is for today...


.....

Through cracks and scars I see thee
Thy light doth draw me near
Beneath thy mask and armour
Searcheth I thy warrior's heart.
Fear prevail not; indeed courage grasp thee firm
For amid faith and into naught, the true doth trod
Thy sword and shield upon thee
The heart of a lion strong within thy breast
And thus pray I, peace be thy treasure
And quiet reflection thy luxure

Thine am I
Yet and On...

HOPE

In the face of doubt, faith is the irrational hope that the unseen really does exist.

Rationality is intellect taking over when you start to doubt your intelligence and intuition.

Intuition is the perceptive feeling that sparks imagination.

Imagination is hope transforming into reality.

Reality is perspective and perceptive.

Perceptive knowledge is unshakeable belief.


Proverbs 9:10 The fear of YAH is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding.

Psalm 119:73 Thy hands have made me and fashioned me: give me understanding, that I may learn thy commandments.